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The Marina Dock Newsletter December 2007My Fellow Marina Dockers: We want to express our deepest gratitude to all the people who contributed in November; we had a few decent contributions that injected new life into our depleted coffers, many thanks to each and every one of you. However, we are not by any means out of the woods and would like some people to come forward in December and help get us into our 22nd year of service to the San Francisco recovery community. Of course, economic uncertainty and the prospect of a recession continue to preoccupy the nation's collective psyche. The forecast is not good but we are confident you will rise to the occasion and help us out. This month we are dedicating the newsletter to the memory of some of our kindred spirits and fallen Vietnam veterans. Michael J. F (Chicago Mike) 1946-2007 Last week we received
the terrible news that our beloved Chicago Mike had been killed
tragically in a road accident in Thailand on Monday November
19th. Here is how it was reported in a local paper:
Mike was a renaissance man in many respects, world traveler, gourmet organic food chef, and mentor to veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He was a veteran of search and rescue operations in Vietnam, but he rarely talked about his military past or his bravery and courage above and beyond the call of duty, instead he talked about the gallantry of others. He came home from "Nam" and like most veterans found himself grappling with the double edged sword of addiction and alienation and found himself staring at the soft underbelly of the San Francisco Tenderloin. He shared with me a little bit of his story before sobriety about being on the wrong side of the law and how one judge got so tired of seeing him he sent him on a bus back to Chicago. He hooked up with some good people back there who introduced him to the sober way of living. After a couple of years Mike returned to San Francisco and started to hang with Frank B, David B and Pat O'B down at Compass Group on Fremont Street and the old Alano Club on Grant Avenue . Frank became his mentor and his hero and the two were pretty much inseparable from then on. I know he spent almost everyday he was in town visiting Frank at St Anne's before Frank died. Mike was very proud of his Irish heritage, eventually became an Irish citizen and visited his cousins in County Down on numerous occasions over the last few years. In essence he was an explorer and a pragmatist. That was our Shytown.
Allen B (Big New York Allen) 1952-2007Allen died in Thailand on November the 12th Veterans Day - the Monday before Chicago Mike. He was in deteriorating health for a couple of years before his death. The last time I saw him was the fall of 2005 when he was back at the Marina Dock for a short visit. Allen was a big guy in every sense of the word humorous and generous with no shortage of opinions on a wide variety of topics. He was a founding member of the Marina Dock group that Frank Brennan fondly named "The Half Measures" it is still in existence today. These would be the guys that have the impromptu meetings in the social room. Part of their preamble is "we have no opinion on outside issues and these are what they are." There was great humor and ribbing between this renegade group and the other more serious members, but it was all in good spirit and everyone got something out of it . We will definitely miss Allen and his special brand of "How It Works" There will be a memorial meeting for both Mike and Allen at the San Francisco Alano club on Market St, Market and Octavia on Sunday the 16th of December at 3:00pm. Ask at the desk for more details. London Calling: Grief & Loss in Recovery When Tony asked me
to write a piece for the Marina Dock Newsletter, I was carried
back to the mid '80s when I was living in San Francisco. I was
probably as lonely as I have ever been in my life; I had just
fled Southern California and loads of unmanageability.
The real flight, however, was from myself and it had been going
on for some time. There were garden-variety geographical displacements:
Portland, Seattle, Long Beach, and Hollywood. As they say, wherever
I went, there I was. San Francisco has always been important to me for other reasons. My brother John wrote Shopping Cart Soldiers there, his Pen/Faulkner Award-winning novel about the traumas of war, and struggling with his own difficulties. I know he came to the 'Dry Dock' periodically over the years, and I'm filled with gratitude toward all those fellowship members who reached out to him. John was convinced that the PTSD he suffered in Vietnam compounded his addiction and made it more difficult for him to grasp a program of total abstinence. He was killed in 2005 in a traffic accident while crossing the road. Well, I don't know what to make of the hypothesis that PTSD undermines recovery, but I know I was fairly challenged to get through his loss whilst remaining sober. In my experience, it's the depth of my surrender to life on life's terms that enables me to navigate intense emotional difficulty without recourse to a chemical peace of mind. When my brother was killed, I took the news from his daughter. It was the first time I'd dealt with the very sudden death of a loved one. John was my eldest bro and I loved him desperately. I had idolized him since the days when he had given me all the great albums he'd collected as a weather observer on a tour of duty with the United States Air Force in Vietnam. He was the only Scotsman that served over there, and that's something. The loss was monumentally painful. When I got the news, it knocked me for six. Thank God for Billy, the person I was with at the time, who just kept repeating that I needed to see it through the eyes of faith. The sheer vulgarity of dealing with a close death in recovery was horrible. The sobs that emitted from my chest that day make me cry now as I remember them. I have a lot of gratitude that when I was getting Step One, the person who took me through the program helped me weed out all the reservations, including the right to anaesthetize myself should someone close to me die. I had also internalized the program from the thousands of times I'd listened to the readings in meetings. It was like my Higher Power was inside me, quietly speaking through the noise in my head and asking me, "Is this really a situation that is going to be improved by a drink or a drug?" The answer then, and today, remains a firm no. My addiction has always been about not feeling, and to begin to get through these things clean is the biggest achievement in my life. I graduated from one of Britain's best universities, Bristol, with a BSc Honors in Psychology snd am now the clinical coordinator of one of Britain's most reputable 12-step treatment centers, Promis/London. I'm also an accomplished scuba diver, published writer, and good dad, son, brother, partner, etc., but nothing compares to the feeling of achievement that I got from getting through John's death clean. For someone who was previously as emotionally cowardly as I was, it was a turning point. The depth of my surrender is in direct proportion to the despair of my 'rock bottom,' and when I have to write a 'Gratitude List,' which I do from time to time, my rock bottom is always, always, always the first thing that goes down. I work Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve on a daily basis, and I attend regular meetings every week to keep my memory 'green,' and fulfill my own primary purpose, to 'Carry the message, and not the mess.' I know that no matter what, my life will never be improved by using. Harry M. London, Nov -07 In closing, I want to say thank you again to the people who donated in 2007 and that includes the vehicle donations we received over the last year, donated cars make a big difference. Consider this, twenty two years of four hundred people a day equals three million two hundred and twelve thousand and one of them was you and me. We love you, we love your cars, and we love your generosity. In the words of the Swami "Love is Everywhere." There will be a midnight meeting at the Marina Dock on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. In the New Year we are facing new challenges: a rent increase and economic uncertainty makes for new ideas and more creative approaches. We are thinking about asking people to subscribe to cover the cost of the newsletter and reducing our mailing list to our members and subscribers only. If you wish to remain on our mailing list please send a check or donation for thirty dollars, and specify the check is to ensure that you remain on the mailing list. Again members and donors will always be on our mailing list. Have a great Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous New Year. As always, we welcome your input especially your stories.
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